Kobacker House (Guest Blogger LTB)

I wrote this blog before Rob passed away.  You might have some interest in reading it.  
11/5/2012 8:16 am

Kobacker House (Guest Blogger LTB) 

Rob is doing some time over at the Kobacker house. What is the Kobacker House you might be wondering?  Why the Kobacker is this fabulous house you can visit if you have terminal cancer.  They only allow 24 patients there at once.  It looks more like resort then a hospital.  There are no machines to plug you up to.  There are no IV's. The nursing staff are all the kindest people you would ever want to meet.  The staffs job is to keep you pain free in your last days.

Which brings us to the very hard reality that Rob is in his last days.  I am about to lose my best friend of 21 years.  Miranda is going to lose her very beloved father.  Shannon and Bob are going to lose their only son. Sarah is going to lose her only brother.  The rest of you reading this are going to  lose one of the greatest guys you've ever known.  Rob was the first one there to help you fix your car, or your computer.  If we had it he would let you borrow it.  I can' count the times we stopped so Rob could help perfect strangers change the tire.  He is the good Samaritan. 

Rob is a fighter though. Rob's doctor came in a few days ago and told us his body was starting to shut down. I called his family, and got everybody very worked up, only to have them tell me the next day that he was doing good and we should expect some kind of recovery. Since then he has had good days and bad days. They are still not talking about him going home. His doctors use vague terms like "maybe in a few days once we get his medication worked out." It's always a few days away though. They are constantly changing his meds.

I  can't say if he  has days, weeks, or even months still in front of him. However, whatever time he has left is not going to be like the last 28 months. Motorcycle trips are off the table unless he can figure out how to attach his oxygen tank to his bike. Miranda and I want to thank you all for your support and good wishes. The nurses all laugh at how many people have stopped by for visits and how many phone calls he gets.  He is one very loved man they assure me.  Don't I know it.

Rob's Cancer in Baseball Terms (guest blogger LTB)

A baseball season is a long season.  Training starts in February and runs into  April. From April to October there are 162 regular games. If you are  a good player and on a lucky team you will be playing in extra games in October. It's hard work. It takes a toll on your body to play everyday.  The players families keep everything else going while their loved ones are engage in this epic battles of brain and brawn. When you get to October players and their families are exhausted.  

When Rob showed up for spring training in February, nobody gave him very good odds to make it to the playoffs. But his bat was hot when he needed it to be and his defense is the best in the game. It looked like he was going to go all the way at the All Star Break.  

He hasn't disappointed his fans all season long.  He makes sure he always has a smile for them, and he always tell them how good he is feeling. However, things have  started slowing down for him in September. He has been good enough the rest of the season to earn a spot as a Division Champion. The question still remains: Can he make  it to the World Series? If so:  Is Cancer too good of team to defeat?

When you're playing baseball in October anything can happen.  Every game counts, you can't afford a single loss.    This ain't no bush league, brah, these are the Champs. Rob's rival Cancer has been getting stronger all season. Cancer plays like they want it.

Rob is standing in the October of his battle against cancer. He has played long, and hard, his team mates respect him, but the injuries are starting to add up. He's been benched all week and his team of experts are concerned that he might be on the DL for the rest of the playoffs. 

If you've got Rob on your fantasy team, now is the time to start cheering for him. If you have ever wanted an autographed baseball or a private interview you should reach out now. When this baseball season ends, Rob's looking at retirement. He hasn't said the words yet, but all the signs point to it. 

In other words, Rob is rounding third and headed for home. Don't lose the opportunity to meet him at home plate and pat him on the back for a job well done.

Thanks for reading,

Laela

P.S. Go Reds!

Know Your Walrus - Week 4 - Your Most Significant Childhood Memory

August 13, 2012 - Know Your Walrus - Week 4 - Your Most Significant Childhood Memory

Wow, my most significant childhood memory.  That conjures up all kinds of different scenarios; good memories, bad memories, traumatic events, tragedies, etc.  I could come up with one for any of those.  The memory that I'm going to pick involves a moment of personal triumph and ingenuity born out of complete stupidity.

My dad's uncle owned a cottage on a lake in Michigan called Ackerson Lake.  As far as lakes go it isn't huge, but the fishing is good and it size is capable of sustaining leisure activities such as water skiing, tubing, etc.  Occasionally my family would have an opportunity to visit the cottage and be able to enjoy what it had to offer.  One of the big things that sticks out in my mind is that there were eight boats.  There was a ski boat, a pontoon party boat, a bass boat, a pedal boat, several rowboats with or without outboard motors and a few canoes.  The cottage wasn't huge so it always seemed excessive to me that there would be eight boats for four people (because usually is was just Mom, Dad, Sarah, and me).  

So I don't remember the exact occasion, but at some point my dad and I went up to Ackerson Lake for a father/son weekend.  It might have been spring break, it might have just been a weekend during the summer. Like I said, I don't really remember what the occasion was but I do know that it was early in the season and in fact it was way too cold to swim in the lake.  I was somewhere in the middle school age range 6th/7th/8th grade.  Anyway the last couple of times we'd been up there my dad had started letting me take out a rowboat with an outboard motor onto the lake all by myself.  I remember vividly my disbelief that dad was going to let me go out on the lake unsupervised. I'd usually bring some fishing gear with me and throw that in the boat but by the time I got in control of something with a motor I kind of got tunnel vision. I was so enamored with the thought of being under my own power with a motorized vehicle that I wouldn't ever end up fishing and I'd just cruise around the lake with that tiny 10HP Evinrude motor.

Well I must have done something dramatic or impressive to earn my dad's trust or maybe it was just because mom wasn't around, but on this trip he decided that he'd let me take the bass boat out all by myself.  Imagine my complete shock and amazement.  I was going to get to take out a boat with a steering wheel all by my lonesome.  I couldn't have been any more excited.  As I recall, I took the boat out a few times without incident and just had a really enjoyable time cruising the lake much faster than I was used to.

It was shortly after breakfast one day and I was really itching to get out on the lake and drive the bass boat around.  Dad was moving kind of sluggishly so I think he was happy to let me go out and do something that'd keep me out of his hair.  So I grabbed the key to the boat and off I went down to the dock.  I got the motor warmed up, unmoored the boat and was out on the water in about 10 minutes flat.  I headed straight out to the middle of the lake and started driving in circles.  After about 10-15 minutes of super fun boating the motor started to cough and sputter and then nothing.  It was dead.  Well it turns out that in my haste to leave that morning I forgot to check the fuel level on the gas tank.  I was completely out of fuel.

I had no idea what to do. So here I am in middle school stranded in the middle of a lake on a boat with no way of communicating with anybody.  The first thing I tried was paddling with the one oar that was on the boat, but since the bass boat was so wide I just ended up going in circles.  The one thing that hadn't dawned on me was that there was a trolling motor on the front of the boat.  As I said earlier, it must've been early in the boating season because it wasn't hooked up, but the battery was on board.  Mind you, I'd never used a trolling motor before and had no idea how to hook it up but I figured "Hey how hard can this be?"  So this motor had a foot pedal for for steering and throttle.  The pedal was hooked up to the motor, but not the battery.  I had no tools or way to fasten the cables so I took the red cable and touched it to the red post and the the black cable to the black post.  Since I didn't have any way to fasten the cables, I just stepped on them with my foot to hold them in place.  Then, using my hand I manipulated the throttle and steering pedal and got myself pointed in the right direction.  After about an hour I finally made it back to the dock.

I went up to the cottage and let dad know what had happened and he said he'd been sitting and watching me from the bay window the whole time.  He wanted to see if I could figure it out myself.

This experience was such a huge confidence booster for me.  It let me know that I could be put in a crisis situation, analyze my surroundings and come up with a solution to my problem.  I'm so grateful to my dad for NOT coming out and rescuing me.  It was one of those moments that made me feel smart beyond my years.  When I think back on it, it wasn't really that monumental of a deal that I figured out a solution but it's still one of those things that I carry with me as a big lifetime triumph.

Update & Hospice Lowdown

08/12/2012 - Well, as I've been told repeatedly, I'm not doing a very good job keeping my "Know Your Walrus" blog project going.  I've had a few things go on recently that have thrown me off track. I haven't forgotten about it but sometimes priorities change.  Such is the case with the last month.

So July started off fantastically. July 1 through July 5, my friend Ryan and I decided to ride our motorcycles to Memphis, TN so that we could visit Graceland. It was five days and four evenings of great rides, good camping, and good company.  Sure, we didn't go the most direct routes and actually ended up riding 500 more miles than we needed to, but the purpose of the trip was more for the ride itself than it was the destination.  Ryan's rigid 1974 Kawasaki KZ400 was a complete champ and aside from the fuel tank being "volumetrically challenged" performed with flying colors.  Impressions: Memphis is kind of a dump and the roads into/out of Memphis are in horrid shape.  The ride down and back was (although really hot) super fun.

After returning from Memphis, I rested up for a day and then was out on the road again.  My friend Pat and I went to Normal, IL on Sunday July 8 so we could go see Drag The River play at Firehouse Pizza.  I'm not going to lie, the turnout for the show was pretty lousy.  That being said, it was a great show because it basically degenerated into Chad Price and Jon Snodgrass trading acoustic duties and taking requests from the audience.  It was a quite the low key intimate affair and I was really glad to have made the trip. Drag The River was one of the only bands that I had never seen live that I REALLY wanted to.  So now, I can scratch that off of my list.

Next came a quick trip with the family focused on baseball.  Laela had hatched up a little scheme to get us to four baseball parks in four days. So on Thursday July 19 we tossed Miranda into the driver's seat and pointed her south as we headed to Bowling Green Kentucky to see the Bowling Green Hot Rods (single A affiliate of the Tampa Bay Rays). From there we went to St. Louis to see the Cardnials vs. Cubs. We then went to Louisville to see the Bats and followed that up with a stop in Cincinnati on the way home to see the Reds play.  It was a lot of fun (other than the Cardinals winning).

So now fast forward to the following Wednesday.  I'd been grouchy and sore all over for a couple of days and I couldn't seem to not be fatigued.  I took my temperature which was high and by all indications I was coming down with a case of pneumonia.  So I called my oncologist and the next thing you know, BAM I've got hospice care coming to my house to treat me.  I didn't think I was in that bad of shape but apparently I am.  Hospice isn't as awful or as ominous as it sounds.  It just means that I've got some extra equipment in my house to help me cope with some of my symptoms and that I have a nurse that comes and visits me a couple of times a week.  So they brought me a hospital bed, an oxygen machine, a bedside table, a wheelchair, a bunch of portable oxygen tanks, and any meds that I need.  I've now got a new point of contact should I need anything.  If I need meds or for the nurse to visit me I just call hospice and they arrange everything for me.  So I must have nipped the pneumonia in the bud because as soon as my course of anti-biotics was completed I felt much better.  

That's basically hospice care in a nutshell....I just have someone new to call for my primary health care needs.  The sky isn't falling and there is no need to make a big deal out of it.

Know Your Walrus - Week 3 - Religion

June 26, 2012 - This week the "Know Your Walrus" project focuses on religion.  It's nice that I'm getting most of the thorny subjects out of the way quickly.  I know this too can be a really divisive topic so I'd again like to state up front that these are simply my opinions.  I don't know that I'm right, I'm not trying to change anyone's mind or challenge any beliefs. As I said last week, feel free to comment or disagree but please keep it civil.

If you read last week's piece on death, I'll bet you can see where this one is going from a mile away. The simple answer is that I don't believe in anything.  That may be intellectually lazy but it is the truth.  If guess if I had really strong convictions regarding the topic, I'd pick a side.  I don't see it like that though.  For some reason the cosmos has not seen fit to bestow upon me the gift of faith.  I don't necessarily think that I'm an atheist.  I just don't think that there is any form of a higher power or an afterlife.  I don't think there is a greater power watching over things here on Earth (except maybe Predator drones and spy satellites).  I just don't understand how there could be one "right" religion and that all of the other ones are wrong.  I also don't understand how no matter how good of a person you are or how many good deeds to do that if you don't believe X, Y, and Z you are going to go to some form of hell.  That just doesn't seem right to me, but I guess that's why I'm not a deity.

All of that being said, I was raised Catholic and am very thankful for that.  I believe that my upbringing really helped me tune my moral compass and ingrained in me a sense of right and wrong.  For as long as I can remember I've tried to live my life by treating people the way I'd like to be treated and I attribute that to my parents and my upbringing.  I don't know at what point it was that I stopped believing in God.  I do remember the first time that I was genuinely conflicted about my faith.  I vividly recall that when I was in eighth grade that I didn't want to participate in sacrament of confirmation.  It wasn't out of a sense of rebellion or disrespect as a matter of fact it was quite the opposite. It was my understanding that confirmation is when you as an adult stand up and reaffirm the beliefs that you were baptized under.  I knew in my heart that I was not 100% sure of the beliefs and teachings; therefore, it seemed to me that being confirmed but not believing was grossly disrespectful to those who do believe. Wouldn't lying about it be worse than waiting until you were ready? 

Catholicism is the only religion with which I have any true experience.  I send my daughter to a Catholic school because I want her exposed to the same teachings as I was in the hope that she will learn the basis of some of my better personality traits, but I want her to make up her own mind.  I can't presume to tell her what to believe, but I want her to be able to draw her own conclusions and follow her heart (and receive and exemplary education in the process).  


Even though I can't honestly say that I'm a believer; I still sometimes attend Catholic mass.  That may seem hypocritical, but I go because I find it comforting.  The nice thing about the mass is that you can walk into a Catholic church anywhere and it's going to be the same. There's something to be said for the ritual of the Catholic mass.  It gives me some time to quietly reflect and have a moment of peace.  For whatever the reason, going to mass gives me a feeling of calm that I don't get anywhere else.

I guess the point is, I just don't know.  I can't be shown evidence that god exists; conversely, I can't be shown evidence that god doesn't exist.  I'm certainly not anti-religion.  While it's true that religion has caused a lot of grief over the ages; it is also responsible for countless acts of charity and kindness.  How does one oppose organizations that perform so much good in the world?  As for me, I'm just going to continue to be the best person I can be. I'm going to treat others the way I want to be treated and I'm going to try to make the most of the time I have here because it is the only time I've got.

Know Your Walrus - Week 2 - Topic: Death

June 17, 2012 - Know Your Walrus - Week 2 - Topic: Death


As you may or may not have noticed, I've renamed the blog project "Know Your Walrus."    I think the new title more accurately reflects what I'm trying to accomplish.  This week I'll be addressing my beliefs on the touchy subject of death.  I thought this was going to be easy, but it isn't.  It's a topic that I've talked about before but I don't think that I have dedicated a whole post to it.  It's going to be difficult to keep it on point and not stray off onto other topics, but we'll see what happens. 


Let me preface this post by saying that my thoughts on death are my own. I fully respect other beliefs and schools of thought.  It's a subject that evokes many strong emotions and one that I'm a tad concerned to be writing about. Feel free to comment or disagree, I just ask that you be respectful about it and maintain a civil discourse. Your beliefs are yours and mine are mine. Lets keep the discussion gracious and agree that we're not going to change each other's minds.


Death: "The Dirt Nap" "Check Out" "Worm Food" "Pushing Up Daises" "Bought the Pine Condo" "Cash In" "Kick The Bucket" "Bought The Farm." They all pretty much mean the same thing. Your corporeal vessel has ceased all biological functioning which sustains a living organism. It's a very dry and clinical definition. There's not much to it. That is my belief regarding death, it is simply the cessation of life.  The body will decompose, nourish the soil, which will feed the vegetation, which animals will consume.  It's just the last stop in the circle of life.


I don't believe that I have a soul.  I don't believe that there is some part of my consciousness that is going to continue on after my body ceases to be.  I don't believe in an afterlife.  My legacy will be determined by the lives that I touched and the mark that I made on them.  I hope that I've led a good life and set a good example for others.  I've tried to live my life by treating other people the way that I would like to be treated.  I haven't always succeeded and at times have failed miserably.  I think those failures are what help you grow and mature as a person.  Hopefully after behaving selfishly you come out on the other side as a more thoughtful person; someone who is more cognizant of the needs of others.  I've tried to bestow those values on my child.  It think that is important for her to come to her own conclusions regardless of whether or not she agrees with me. As she becomes an adult I think it's essential to her development that she come to her own conclusions.


I'd like to think that the circle of friends and family that I have around me is a testament to my living right and doing the "right thing" for the sake of doing the "right thing." I'm not trying to be cliche' but I firmly believe that you reap what you sew; therefore, manners are their own reward.


I've had a great 41 years (and hope to have a few more).  For the most part, I am regret free. I'm content with where I am and ok with the turn of events that brought me to where I am today.  Sometimes you draw the short straw and have to check out early, but one thing is for certain: All of us will eventually succumb to the reaper.


Next week I'll delve into an easier topic.....religion.

Know Your Walrus - Week 1 - Topic: 41 Facts

June 12, 2012 - So as I mentioned last week, I'd be starting a blog project that Laela recommended to me. This is week one.  My assignment is this:  

Your favorite picture of yourself and one interesting fact for every year you’ve been alive.  

I couldn't narrow it down to one picture so I've got one from my childhood and one from adulthood.


Childhood: This photo was taken in 1983 on South Bass Island in Lake Erie.  It's probably the biggest fish I've ever caught.  Look at that shit eating grin on my face.  I was stoked.  I caught it right off of the dock in the background.

Adulthood:  So the above photo is Miranda and me at a Steak and Shake on our way to Cedar Point to celebrate Miranda's 12th birthday in 2008.  I think it's really representative of the relationship that we have.

And now on to the facts.  I'm not sure if it's supposed to be facts about me but that's the way I'm interpreting it.  I attempted to keep this about me as much as possible, but there were a few years that I couldn't come up with anything specific about me so you get random internet generated fact.

1971 - I was born in June. Face wasn't put together quite right, but the docs did a damned fine job of prettying it up for you to enjoy. Didn't get a dog.


1972 - My future old lady got bornded, spent first birthday in hospital getting prettied up. Didn't get a dog.


1973 - Transmission Control Protocol/Internet Protocol (TCP/IP) is designed (you wouldn't be reading this without it) America's first space station, Skylab is launched. Didn't get a dog


1974 - Got a a sister....Didn't get a dog.


1975 - The Altair home computer kit allows consumers to build and program their own personal computers. Didn't get a dog.


1976 - United States of America's Bicentennial celebration. Didn't get a dog.


1977 - I started first grade at St. Clare, Star Wars was released. Didn't get a dog.


1978 - Transferred from St. Clare school to St. Bartholomew. Didn't get a dog.


1979 - My family moves to a new house and neighborhood. I miss Halloween because of the doctors had to  pretty me up even more. Didn't get a dog.


1980 - The Empire Strikes back was released. Didn't get a dog.


1981 - Atari 2600 for Christmas!! Didn't get a dog.


1982 - Pac Man released for the Atari. Didn't get a dog.


1983 - Return of the Jedi was released. Didn't get a dog.


1984 - Apple introduces the user-friendly Macintosh personal computer.  Didn't get a dog.


1985 - My family moved from Cincinnati, OH to Cape Coral, FL. My freshman year of high school in the fall. Didn't get a dog.


1986 - Discovered punk rock music and went to my first out of town concert, the Circle Jerks in Tampa.  I got my very first job making $2/hr straightening up a children's clothing store for 1.5 hours a day. Didn't get a dog.


1987 - Got my first car (a maroon1983 Datsun 310) and drivers license.  Got to see and meet my favorite band the Descendents in Tampa on my 16th birthday. Didn't get a dog.


1988 - Totalled my car after rear ending a friend's car....vowed never to drive again. Didn't get a dog.


1989 - Graduated high school. Didn't get a dog.


1990 - Skipped a college class for the first time to go skateboarding. Broke leg which would in turn result in me not being able to join the army....changed the course of my life. Didn't get a dog.


1991 - This was the year I moved to Columbus. Five months later I'd meet and begin courtship of Laela. Didn't get a dog.


1992 - Asked Laela to marry me on the anniversary of our first date...she said yes. Didn't get a dog.


1993 - Beanie Babies are introduced! Didn't get a dog.


1994 - Laela and I tied the knot after three years of dating. Didn't get a dog.


1995 - Laela and I bought our first home, a condo in north Columbus. I graduated from Columbus State and I started my first computer job as a technician for Incredible Universe. Didn't get a dog.


1996 - Miranda was born in August. Didn't get a dog.


1997 -Mike Tyson Bites Evander Holyfield's ear during a match and is suspended from boxing. Didn't get a dog.


1998 - Google is founded. Didn't get a dog.


1999 - George Lucas begins ruining the Star Wars Franchise with Jar Jar Binks and by releasing Episode I: The Phantom Menace. Didn't get a dog.


2000 - Y2K bug turns out to be a yawnfest. Didn't get a dog.


2001 - Apple releases the first iPod. Didn't get a dog.


2002 - Miranda picks up skateboarding as a pass time.  I in turn pick skateboarding back up after a few years absence. This would culminate with me meeting the men who would become my closest friends. Didn't get a dog.


2003 - Laela and I bought our current home, we GOT A DOG Indy, and I started what would by my final job as a network consultant with the Ohio Department of Job and Family services.


2004 -SpaceShipOne becomes the first privately-funded spaceplane to achieve spaceflight.


2005 - I take a man-cation with my buddies in Las Vegas, NV.  I rent a scooter while I'm there and this infects me with two-wheeled mania.


2006 - I buy my first motorcycle a 1983 Yamaha XV500 "Virago."  Laela lands her dream job as an associate children's librarian with Worthington Libraries.


2007 - The Final Harry Potter book is published Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows


2008 - The proton beam is circulated for the first time in the Large Hadron Collider, the world's largest and highest-energy particle accelerator.


2009 - Trained for and ran the Columbus Marathon.


2010 - I was diagnosed with incurable stage IV lung cancer and given six to eighteen months to live. Took the vacation of a lifetime with my family and began my quest to ride a motorcycle in all 48 contiguous United States. (Too many things to mention this year...consult past blog postings if interested)


2011 - Finished riding my motorcycle in all 48 states. Miranda begins high school.


2012 - Still flipping the bird to the 1st 2010 fact
 
Edit: June 16, 2012 - I changed the title this morning to "Know Your Walrus - Week x" because I thought it sounded better than "Getting to Know Me." That just invoked the song from The King and I

25 Week Blog Project

So speedwalrus.blogspot.com has become kind of stale. I'm not updating it that often and when I do I'm only writing when there is a significant change in my health.  Since I'm no longer going to receive chemotherapy it's just going to be a gradual downhill slide and that's kind of a bummer.  I'll still update when things change but no one want to read "My cough got worse today." until...it doesn't.  

A few folks have asked me what my plans are travel wise.  To them I can only say: Not much. The past two years have been fantastic for me and travel; however, it's not really practical or safe for me to be gallivanting around the nation solo any longer. The key word there is solo. The quickness with which fatigue can set in and my susceptibility to pneumonia makes the situation unsafe and causes those close to me an undue amount of concern.  If I can find someone to go somewhere with me it might be a different story, but that'll be at the discretion of my travel coordinator.  Any further trips that I may make will most likely be limited in scope to the Buckeye state and not leaving for more than an overnight trip. The map to the left is a 200 mile radius from Columbus and I think I'll most likely stay within that.

Laela found a great project for me that'll keep the blog rolling and hopefully a little more interesting rather than watching it wither and die on the vine.  It'll also  be a great way to get a little more insight about me, what makes me tick, how and why I think like I do.  If you're not careful you might learn something too.  Without further ado I present blog project 2012, it's a lot like those Facebook "notes about you" games but I hope it's a little more interesting with that.  It's supposed to be a 25 day project, but I don't think one day is long enough to think about some of the topics and then write about them.  I'm going to try to do one a week for the next 25 weeks and publish on Mondays; although, I'm not going to publish first one until 06/12/2012. They might just be a paragraph or they might be five pages.  I never know how my ramblings go.  If you've got an idea for an item to add to the list, shoot it to me on twitter @speedwalrus or send me an email: speed.walrus (at) gmail dot com.  I hope you find it enjoyable.

week 1 - your favorite picture of yourself and one interesting fact for every year you’ve been alive

week 2 - your thoughts on death

week 3 - your thoughts on religion

week 4 - your most significant childhood memory

week 5 - discuss your feelings on the word “love” and the way it’s used in today

week 6 - your all time favorite (non-Star Wars) movie

week 7- talk about your idol and how they influence you

week 8 - ten things you’d like to say to ten different people, without using names

week 9 - your favorite blog

week 10 - a picture of your favorite relative

week 11 - your biggest fear

week 12 - a picture of the place where you were born

week 13 - discuss your first kiss

week 14 - your thoughts on drugs and alcohol

week 15 - your celebrity crush

week 16 - ten things that make you smile and a picture of yourself smiling

week 17 - discuss your greatest fear and your greatest dream

week 18 - a picture of your best friend

week 19 - a picture of yourself and someone you don’t actually like

week 20 - talk about where you go/went to high school

week 21 - a picture of your first boyfriend/girlfriend

week 22 - a time you felt like ending your own life

week 23 - your biggest regret

week 24 - a picture of you when you were younger

week 25 - a picture of your all time favorite band.

May 2012 Update

May 11, 2012 - It's been a pretty action packed 2012 so far.  I've had a lot of stuff happen in the first half of the year.  The first week of February, I visited my uncle in Boulder, Colorado.  I had an amazing time.  We went snowmobiling twice, took a trip to Vail, I got to enjoy a huge snowstorm while I was there, and I ate like a king the whole time.  My uncle Dick is an amazing host and always has great things planned for us to do.  If you are ever in Idaho Springs, CO you must check out Flipper McGill's Pinball Parlor and have a pie at Beau Jo's Pizza.

February also had Miranda getting her Ohio Temporary Instruction Permit Card.  Nothing makes you feel old quite like your child getting their first driver's license.  She's doing a great job driving so far.  Miranda also played softball for the Bishop Watterson Junior Varsity team.  I can't believe the season is over already.  She improved all season and had a couple of breakout games during tournament play.  Her bat got really hot, once my mom visited to watch her play ball.  The team ended up with an even 9 and 9 record for the year.

Little miss Laela celebrated her 40th birthday on March 23rd.  We got a crew of her closest friends together to meet at the party room of the local AMC theater.  We had a fantastic mockingjay themed birthday cake provided by Sauer Cakes and then we all watched the film The Hunger Games.  It happened to be the opening weekend for the movie and that was all that Laela had said she wanted to do.

In April we visited Nick and Sam in Jacksonville Beach for spring break.  That's two years in a row now, only Laela was able to go this time.  We drove down and we split the driving duties between the three of us.  Actually on the way to Jacksonville Miranda drove 450 of the 900 miles.  We took the scenic route by driving half of the Blue Ridge Parkway.  The BRP is a motorcycle trip that I wanted to do but don't think I'll get a chance to, so I talked Laela and Miranda into driving half of it so that I could see it.  I got the idea after riding on the Natchez Trace Parkway in November on my way back from New Orleans.  The BRP is a beautiful scenic drive and I was glad to get a chance to do it.  While we were in Jacksonville, we did the usual:  we went to the beach, rode bicycles, saw a Jacksonville Suns game, some mini-golf/batting cages, had great food and were able to have a nice visit with Nick and Sam.


On the health front, I had a bout with pneumonia in March that was pretty gnarly.  It kept me out of commission for about two weeks.  Since the beginning of the year, that had been the only bad news regarding my lungs.  That lucky streak came to and end last Tuesday when I visited the oncologist.  I had had a CT scan the previous Friday and it showed that the tumors are growing again.  It was only a matter of time until that happened, but as always I was hoping I'd get that bad news on the next visit.  I'm always hoping for my bad news on the next visit.  We discussed treatment options (which really haven't changed since I was first diagnosed with the cancer). Here are they are:


- Go back on a previously tried chemotherapy
- Try a new chemotherapy
- Try a drug that isn't chemotherapy designed cell mutation for which I tested negative but a few patients respond to
- Do nothing


I am electing the do nothing option.  I've tried three different chemotherapy treatments and they've all ultimately made me awful and whose efficacy eventually ceased. We know there will be unpleasant side effects from the chemo that will limit my activity.  I would prefer to carry on as I am and be able to live as normal of a life as possible for as long as I can.  I don't want to artificially make myself sick or more susceptible to other bugs.


All of this boils down to the question of quality of life.  I'm not going to get a better quality of life outcome by going on any of these treatments.  The disease is going to get me at some point there's nothing that can be done about that.  What I can control is how my time is spent between now and then and I'm opting for (please excuse my hyperbole) a less miserable existence.


For the most part I'm still not feeling terrible.  My cough gets a little worse and I can progressively do fewer things but it's a slow progression.  Whatever happens, it's just a matter of taking each day as it comes and try to do my best with it.

Blogdrought

1/30/2012 - Happy belated New Year. It's been quite a while since I posted a new entry for the SpeedWalrus blog. After returning home from New Orleans in November I spent the rest of the month and most of December in just hanging out at the house. The chemotherapy drug I was on kept me pretty run down most of the time. It also started wreaking havoc on my white blood cell count. This made me mildly paranoid about leaving the house because I didn't want to come into contact with germs which would make me ill. It also meant that I had to start giving myself injections of a medicine that would boost my white blood cell count. That drug made me feel even worse.

We were very excited about our Christmas holiday because Laela, Miranda and I were going to go on a five day Caribbean cruise starting on Christmas Eve. Unfortunately the day before we were to leave I had some kind of reaction to something that was being pumped into my system and both of my legs swelled up. It looked like my thigh extended from my groin to my foot. We went to the emergency room on December 23 (that's two years in a row if you are counting) and they admitted me because they were afraid that I had a blood clot. Needless to say the doctors weren't too keen on me flying and we ended up having to cancel the cruise. Carnival Cruise lines have not been very helpful thus far and it appears that we are just out of luck with regard to the cruise. No money back, no cruise vouchers....just a whole lot of nothing. It has been really disappointing dealing with them but I guess they've got they're own problems since their captains in Italy seem to be running their ships aground. Anyway, I was released on December 26.

In early January went back to the oncologist and we decided that I would take some time off from treatment. The last scan showed no disease progression nor did it show any tumor shrinkage. The time off is so that we can see if it is the drugs holding things in check or if the cancer is going to start growing again. Meanwhile, my energy has returned and I'm feeling somewhat human again.

Tomorrow I'll be travelling to Boulder, CO. My uncle Dick invited me out to stay with him for a week and take in some of the winter time sites of the Rocky Mountains. Delta was kind enough to issue us vouchers for the flights we didn't take for the cruise so it was kind of a no brainer. My camera is all charged up and I'm eager to get out west again to enjoy what it has to offer.