Know Your Walrus - Week 2 - Topic: Death

June 17, 2012 - Know Your Walrus - Week 2 - Topic: Death


As you may or may not have noticed, I've renamed the blog project "Know Your Walrus."    I think the new title more accurately reflects what I'm trying to accomplish.  This week I'll be addressing my beliefs on the touchy subject of death.  I thought this was going to be easy, but it isn't.  It's a topic that I've talked about before but I don't think that I have dedicated a whole post to it.  It's going to be difficult to keep it on point and not stray off onto other topics, but we'll see what happens. 


Let me preface this post by saying that my thoughts on death are my own. I fully respect other beliefs and schools of thought.  It's a subject that evokes many strong emotions and one that I'm a tad concerned to be writing about. Feel free to comment or disagree, I just ask that you be respectful about it and maintain a civil discourse. Your beliefs are yours and mine are mine. Lets keep the discussion gracious and agree that we're not going to change each other's minds.


Death: "The Dirt Nap" "Check Out" "Worm Food" "Pushing Up Daises" "Bought the Pine Condo" "Cash In" "Kick The Bucket" "Bought The Farm." They all pretty much mean the same thing. Your corporeal vessel has ceased all biological functioning which sustains a living organism. It's a very dry and clinical definition. There's not much to it. That is my belief regarding death, it is simply the cessation of life.  The body will decompose, nourish the soil, which will feed the vegetation, which animals will consume.  It's just the last stop in the circle of life.


I don't believe that I have a soul.  I don't believe that there is some part of my consciousness that is going to continue on after my body ceases to be.  I don't believe in an afterlife.  My legacy will be determined by the lives that I touched and the mark that I made on them.  I hope that I've led a good life and set a good example for others.  I've tried to live my life by treating other people the way that I would like to be treated.  I haven't always succeeded and at times have failed miserably.  I think those failures are what help you grow and mature as a person.  Hopefully after behaving selfishly you come out on the other side as a more thoughtful person; someone who is more cognizant of the needs of others.  I've tried to bestow those values on my child.  It think that is important for her to come to her own conclusions regardless of whether or not she agrees with me. As she becomes an adult I think it's essential to her development that she come to her own conclusions.


I'd like to think that the circle of friends and family that I have around me is a testament to my living right and doing the "right thing" for the sake of doing the "right thing." I'm not trying to be cliche' but I firmly believe that you reap what you sew; therefore, manners are their own reward.


I've had a great 41 years (and hope to have a few more).  For the most part, I am regret free. I'm content with where I am and ok with the turn of events that brought me to where I am today.  Sometimes you draw the short straw and have to check out early, but one thing is for certain: All of us will eventually succumb to the reaper.


Next week I'll delve into an easier topic.....religion.

Know Your Walrus - Week 1 - Topic: 41 Facts

June 12, 2012 - So as I mentioned last week, I'd be starting a blog project that Laela recommended to me. This is week one.  My assignment is this:  

Your favorite picture of yourself and one interesting fact for every year you’ve been alive.  

I couldn't narrow it down to one picture so I've got one from my childhood and one from adulthood.


Childhood: This photo was taken in 1983 on South Bass Island in Lake Erie.  It's probably the biggest fish I've ever caught.  Look at that shit eating grin on my face.  I was stoked.  I caught it right off of the dock in the background.

Adulthood:  So the above photo is Miranda and me at a Steak and Shake on our way to Cedar Point to celebrate Miranda's 12th birthday in 2008.  I think it's really representative of the relationship that we have.

And now on to the facts.  I'm not sure if it's supposed to be facts about me but that's the way I'm interpreting it.  I attempted to keep this about me as much as possible, but there were a few years that I couldn't come up with anything specific about me so you get random internet generated fact.

1971 - I was born in June. Face wasn't put together quite right, but the docs did a damned fine job of prettying it up for you to enjoy. Didn't get a dog.


1972 - My future old lady got bornded, spent first birthday in hospital getting prettied up. Didn't get a dog.


1973 - Transmission Control Protocol/Internet Protocol (TCP/IP) is designed (you wouldn't be reading this without it) America's first space station, Skylab is launched. Didn't get a dog


1974 - Got a a sister....Didn't get a dog.


1975 - The Altair home computer kit allows consumers to build and program their own personal computers. Didn't get a dog.


1976 - United States of America's Bicentennial celebration. Didn't get a dog.


1977 - I started first grade at St. Clare, Star Wars was released. Didn't get a dog.


1978 - Transferred from St. Clare school to St. Bartholomew. Didn't get a dog.


1979 - My family moves to a new house and neighborhood. I miss Halloween because of the doctors had to  pretty me up even more. Didn't get a dog.


1980 - The Empire Strikes back was released. Didn't get a dog.


1981 - Atari 2600 for Christmas!! Didn't get a dog.


1982 - Pac Man released for the Atari. Didn't get a dog.


1983 - Return of the Jedi was released. Didn't get a dog.


1984 - Apple introduces the user-friendly Macintosh personal computer.  Didn't get a dog.


1985 - My family moved from Cincinnati, OH to Cape Coral, FL. My freshman year of high school in the fall. Didn't get a dog.


1986 - Discovered punk rock music and went to my first out of town concert, the Circle Jerks in Tampa.  I got my very first job making $2/hr straightening up a children's clothing store for 1.5 hours a day. Didn't get a dog.


1987 - Got my first car (a maroon1983 Datsun 310) and drivers license.  Got to see and meet my favorite band the Descendents in Tampa on my 16th birthday. Didn't get a dog.


1988 - Totalled my car after rear ending a friend's car....vowed never to drive again. Didn't get a dog.


1989 - Graduated high school. Didn't get a dog.


1990 - Skipped a college class for the first time to go skateboarding. Broke leg which would in turn result in me not being able to join the army....changed the course of my life. Didn't get a dog.


1991 - This was the year I moved to Columbus. Five months later I'd meet and begin courtship of Laela. Didn't get a dog.


1992 - Asked Laela to marry me on the anniversary of our first date...she said yes. Didn't get a dog.


1993 - Beanie Babies are introduced! Didn't get a dog.


1994 - Laela and I tied the knot after three years of dating. Didn't get a dog.


1995 - Laela and I bought our first home, a condo in north Columbus. I graduated from Columbus State and I started my first computer job as a technician for Incredible Universe. Didn't get a dog.


1996 - Miranda was born in August. Didn't get a dog.


1997 -Mike Tyson Bites Evander Holyfield's ear during a match and is suspended from boxing. Didn't get a dog.


1998 - Google is founded. Didn't get a dog.


1999 - George Lucas begins ruining the Star Wars Franchise with Jar Jar Binks and by releasing Episode I: The Phantom Menace. Didn't get a dog.


2000 - Y2K bug turns out to be a yawnfest. Didn't get a dog.


2001 - Apple releases the first iPod. Didn't get a dog.


2002 - Miranda picks up skateboarding as a pass time.  I in turn pick skateboarding back up after a few years absence. This would culminate with me meeting the men who would become my closest friends. Didn't get a dog.


2003 - Laela and I bought our current home, we GOT A DOG Indy, and I started what would by my final job as a network consultant with the Ohio Department of Job and Family services.


2004 -SpaceShipOne becomes the first privately-funded spaceplane to achieve spaceflight.


2005 - I take a man-cation with my buddies in Las Vegas, NV.  I rent a scooter while I'm there and this infects me with two-wheeled mania.


2006 - I buy my first motorcycle a 1983 Yamaha XV500 "Virago."  Laela lands her dream job as an associate children's librarian with Worthington Libraries.


2007 - The Final Harry Potter book is published Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows


2008 - The proton beam is circulated for the first time in the Large Hadron Collider, the world's largest and highest-energy particle accelerator.


2009 - Trained for and ran the Columbus Marathon.


2010 - I was diagnosed with incurable stage IV lung cancer and given six to eighteen months to live. Took the vacation of a lifetime with my family and began my quest to ride a motorcycle in all 48 contiguous United States. (Too many things to mention this year...consult past blog postings if interested)


2011 - Finished riding my motorcycle in all 48 states. Miranda begins high school.


2012 - Still flipping the bird to the 1st 2010 fact
 
Edit: June 16, 2012 - I changed the title this morning to "Know Your Walrus - Week x" because I thought it sounded better than "Getting to Know Me." That just invoked the song from The King and I

25 Week Blog Project

So speedwalrus.blogspot.com has become kind of stale. I'm not updating it that often and when I do I'm only writing when there is a significant change in my health.  Since I'm no longer going to receive chemotherapy it's just going to be a gradual downhill slide and that's kind of a bummer.  I'll still update when things change but no one want to read "My cough got worse today." until...it doesn't.  

A few folks have asked me what my plans are travel wise.  To them I can only say: Not much. The past two years have been fantastic for me and travel; however, it's not really practical or safe for me to be gallivanting around the nation solo any longer. The key word there is solo. The quickness with which fatigue can set in and my susceptibility to pneumonia makes the situation unsafe and causes those close to me an undue amount of concern.  If I can find someone to go somewhere with me it might be a different story, but that'll be at the discretion of my travel coordinator.  Any further trips that I may make will most likely be limited in scope to the Buckeye state and not leaving for more than an overnight trip. The map to the left is a 200 mile radius from Columbus and I think I'll most likely stay within that.

Laela found a great project for me that'll keep the blog rolling and hopefully a little more interesting rather than watching it wither and die on the vine.  It'll also  be a great way to get a little more insight about me, what makes me tick, how and why I think like I do.  If you're not careful you might learn something too.  Without further ado I present blog project 2012, it's a lot like those Facebook "notes about you" games but I hope it's a little more interesting with that.  It's supposed to be a 25 day project, but I don't think one day is long enough to think about some of the topics and then write about them.  I'm going to try to do one a week for the next 25 weeks and publish on Mondays; although, I'm not going to publish first one until 06/12/2012. They might just be a paragraph or they might be five pages.  I never know how my ramblings go.  If you've got an idea for an item to add to the list, shoot it to me on twitter @speedwalrus or send me an email: speed.walrus (at) gmail dot com.  I hope you find it enjoyable.

week 1 - your favorite picture of yourself and one interesting fact for every year you’ve been alive

week 2 - your thoughts on death

week 3 - your thoughts on religion

week 4 - your most significant childhood memory

week 5 - discuss your feelings on the word “love” and the way it’s used in today

week 6 - your all time favorite (non-Star Wars) movie

week 7- talk about your idol and how they influence you

week 8 - ten things you’d like to say to ten different people, without using names

week 9 - your favorite blog

week 10 - a picture of your favorite relative

week 11 - your biggest fear

week 12 - a picture of the place where you were born

week 13 - discuss your first kiss

week 14 - your thoughts on drugs and alcohol

week 15 - your celebrity crush

week 16 - ten things that make you smile and a picture of yourself smiling

week 17 - discuss your greatest fear and your greatest dream

week 18 - a picture of your best friend

week 19 - a picture of yourself and someone you don’t actually like

week 20 - talk about where you go/went to high school

week 21 - a picture of your first boyfriend/girlfriend

week 22 - a time you felt like ending your own life

week 23 - your biggest regret

week 24 - a picture of you when you were younger

week 25 - a picture of your all time favorite band.

May 2012 Update

May 11, 2012 - It's been a pretty action packed 2012 so far.  I've had a lot of stuff happen in the first half of the year.  The first week of February, I visited my uncle in Boulder, Colorado.  I had an amazing time.  We went snowmobiling twice, took a trip to Vail, I got to enjoy a huge snowstorm while I was there, and I ate like a king the whole time.  My uncle Dick is an amazing host and always has great things planned for us to do.  If you are ever in Idaho Springs, CO you must check out Flipper McGill's Pinball Parlor and have a pie at Beau Jo's Pizza.

February also had Miranda getting her Ohio Temporary Instruction Permit Card.  Nothing makes you feel old quite like your child getting their first driver's license.  She's doing a great job driving so far.  Miranda also played softball for the Bishop Watterson Junior Varsity team.  I can't believe the season is over already.  She improved all season and had a couple of breakout games during tournament play.  Her bat got really hot, once my mom visited to watch her play ball.  The team ended up with an even 9 and 9 record for the year.

Little miss Laela celebrated her 40th birthday on March 23rd.  We got a crew of her closest friends together to meet at the party room of the local AMC theater.  We had a fantastic mockingjay themed birthday cake provided by Sauer Cakes and then we all watched the film The Hunger Games.  It happened to be the opening weekend for the movie and that was all that Laela had said she wanted to do.

In April we visited Nick and Sam in Jacksonville Beach for spring break.  That's two years in a row now, only Laela was able to go this time.  We drove down and we split the driving duties between the three of us.  Actually on the way to Jacksonville Miranda drove 450 of the 900 miles.  We took the scenic route by driving half of the Blue Ridge Parkway.  The BRP is a motorcycle trip that I wanted to do but don't think I'll get a chance to, so I talked Laela and Miranda into driving half of it so that I could see it.  I got the idea after riding on the Natchez Trace Parkway in November on my way back from New Orleans.  The BRP is a beautiful scenic drive and I was glad to get a chance to do it.  While we were in Jacksonville, we did the usual:  we went to the beach, rode bicycles, saw a Jacksonville Suns game, some mini-golf/batting cages, had great food and were able to have a nice visit with Nick and Sam.


On the health front, I had a bout with pneumonia in March that was pretty gnarly.  It kept me out of commission for about two weeks.  Since the beginning of the year, that had been the only bad news regarding my lungs.  That lucky streak came to and end last Tuesday when I visited the oncologist.  I had had a CT scan the previous Friday and it showed that the tumors are growing again.  It was only a matter of time until that happened, but as always I was hoping I'd get that bad news on the next visit.  I'm always hoping for my bad news on the next visit.  We discussed treatment options (which really haven't changed since I was first diagnosed with the cancer). Here are they are:


- Go back on a previously tried chemotherapy
- Try a new chemotherapy
- Try a drug that isn't chemotherapy designed cell mutation for which I tested negative but a few patients respond to
- Do nothing


I am electing the do nothing option.  I've tried three different chemotherapy treatments and they've all ultimately made me awful and whose efficacy eventually ceased. We know there will be unpleasant side effects from the chemo that will limit my activity.  I would prefer to carry on as I am and be able to live as normal of a life as possible for as long as I can.  I don't want to artificially make myself sick or more susceptible to other bugs.


All of this boils down to the question of quality of life.  I'm not going to get a better quality of life outcome by going on any of these treatments.  The disease is going to get me at some point there's nothing that can be done about that.  What I can control is how my time is spent between now and then and I'm opting for (please excuse my hyperbole) a less miserable existence.


For the most part I'm still not feeling terrible.  My cough gets a little worse and I can progressively do fewer things but it's a slow progression.  Whatever happens, it's just a matter of taking each day as it comes and try to do my best with it.

Blogdrought

1/30/2012 - Happy belated New Year. It's been quite a while since I posted a new entry for the SpeedWalrus blog. After returning home from New Orleans in November I spent the rest of the month and most of December in just hanging out at the house. The chemotherapy drug I was on kept me pretty run down most of the time. It also started wreaking havoc on my white blood cell count. This made me mildly paranoid about leaving the house because I didn't want to come into contact with germs which would make me ill. It also meant that I had to start giving myself injections of a medicine that would boost my white blood cell count. That drug made me feel even worse.

We were very excited about our Christmas holiday because Laela, Miranda and I were going to go on a five day Caribbean cruise starting on Christmas Eve. Unfortunately the day before we were to leave I had some kind of reaction to something that was being pumped into my system and both of my legs swelled up. It looked like my thigh extended from my groin to my foot. We went to the emergency room on December 23 (that's two years in a row if you are counting) and they admitted me because they were afraid that I had a blood clot. Needless to say the doctors weren't too keen on me flying and we ended up having to cancel the cruise. Carnival Cruise lines have not been very helpful thus far and it appears that we are just out of luck with regard to the cruise. No money back, no cruise vouchers....just a whole lot of nothing. It has been really disappointing dealing with them but I guess they've got they're own problems since their captains in Italy seem to be running their ships aground. Anyway, I was released on December 26.

In early January went back to the oncologist and we decided that I would take some time off from treatment. The last scan showed no disease progression nor did it show any tumor shrinkage. The time off is so that we can see if it is the drugs holding things in check or if the cancer is going to start growing again. Meanwhile, my energy has returned and I'm feeling somewhat human again.

Tomorrow I'll be travelling to Boulder, CO. My uncle Dick invited me out to stay with him for a week and take in some of the winter time sites of the Rocky Mountains. Delta was kind enough to issue us vouchers for the flights we didn't take for the cruise so it was kind of a no brainer. My camera is all charged up and I'm eager to get out west again to enjoy what it has to offer.